montanasouthernbelle

country girl meets city boy

Stepmother number 2 and still is

on April 12, 2012

My dad met Pam when I was in 6th or 7th grade. My dad told me one night that he had a friend over and would be back at the house at 8 to fix me supper. Well he was out at the shop and it was 10 so I decided to go out there and see what was wrong. I walked out there to see a women with my dad! I was furious because how could he not feed me before he met with some whore! Well that “whore” actually turned out to be the best thing to ever happen to me and my dad. We butted heads a lot because I made it clear I didn’t like her one bit! After all she took my dad’s attention from me and I didn’t like that. I wanted him all to myself and didn’t want to share. She was a nurse so it was off to the doctor I go. I hated doctors and she made me go also to a dentist also! She wasn’t very fun. She didn’t even let me call her momma. She told me I had a mother and that it wasn’t her. One day she thought she should take me to get on birth control just in case she told my dad. So she took me and to find out I wasn’t a virgin even though I really was. They found scar tissue in there and it looked like trauma. Well come to find out my stepgranddad on my mother’s side had molested me when I was younger than 18months. Could you imagine some sick-o wanting to molest a child! That has actually messed me life up and the view of life. I couldn’t cope with finding out that happened to me. Someone invaded my space and did something awful to me. It has damaged me beyond words. But I’m starting to deal with it. Well anyways things went on from there and I was on birth control. Depo actually and I blew up and got fat!! I weighed 170 when I first got on it and by the end of the  first 3 months  I was over 190. I hated her for making me fat. When I would have friends over she would baby them like she loved them more. But I have to say she saved me. I was really depressed when I was younger and I started cutting. I would cut and I would cut deep. I would cry and listen to music that made me want to cut more. I would hide it under long sleeve shirts and certain tops. One day I got really dizzy so she asked to take my blood pressure so I said sure. I let her see my right arm and she told me “nope it has to be the left.”  Which made me really upset. I wouldn’t let her see it so she held me down and pulled my shirt up. I begged her not to tell my dad and she agreed. She went into my room with me and made me give her all my things I used to cut myself with. She took my door off the hinges and told my dad it was because she just thought it would be better. He didn’t question anything she said. If I looked sad she would come sit with me or take me out for ice cream. We would sit and talk for hours about what was wrong. I even had an eating disorder when I was younger and she helped me through that. I still struggle with it to this day. I can’t stand looking at myself when I see skinny girls all around me. She never understood me and she never really tried to understand me. She really didn’t have the time of day for me. She did try sometimes and I would be a brat to her. But I do have to say she did save me from probably killing myself down the road. She stopped the cutting and for that I’m thankful.

  • I just want to point out that I’m sorry for the crappy blog
  • I want to say that cutting is not the answer to any problem. It doesn’t take the pain away. All it does it scar up the body that God gave you. God gave you one body and one body only. We are to take care of it and not hurt it. Cutting isn’t the answer to anything other than causing yourself more pain and others around you.
  • When you look around at others don’t compare yourself to them. Keep your chin up and remember YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!! No matter how big, small, short, tall, or race. You are BEAUTIFUL!!! You might not be a size 0 and that’s a good thing. Means your probably a lot healthier than most! There was a time when being big was sexy. The media has perverted the views on that. Don’t let them win. Don’t give in and harm yourself just to be what the media defines as beautiful. Be your own person and remember God loves you no matter what size jeans you wear.
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8 responses to “Stepmother number 2 and still is

  1. James says:

    This is very sad and I have known about it for a while. I know it was painful for you but you have overcome it and are helping send a positive message to people. I love you and keep up the great work.

  2. elliebloo says:

    You give hope with your words. Im a stepmom it’s not easy but you helped me understand. Thanks:)

  3. It was the hardest part from me. I have to get use to another person in my life that took my dad’s attention. But we are now on excellent terms! I love her to death.

  4. A Dog With Fleas says:

    First of all, this is not a crappy blog as you stated!! It is very honest and helps a lot of people!!
    Glad you overcame you cutting and hopefully the Eating Disorder is easier now.
    It must have been very hard for a new woman come in and take your father’s time and attention. But from reading your comments, it sounds like you two are on good terms and I am very happy for that!!

Thanks for taking the time =-)

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