montanasouthernbelle

country girl meets city boy

WARNING: MIGHT BE TO GROSS TO HEAR

on May 6, 2012

Since the very moment I found out I was pregnant I was terrified but happy. My husband and I have wanted children since before we got married. When we got married we decided to try to conceive. After about 4 months of being married we found out we were pregnant. I was super excited and we both couldn’t stop smiling. I found out I was only about 5 or 6 weeks pregnant. I kept spotting and having cramping so I got worried. Then one night I was laying in bed with him watching tv when it all went down hill. I had been having cramps so bad but that night they kept getting worse. I remember laying in bed and I jumped up to use the rest room when I felt a gush. It just kept coming and coming. I thought I was going to actually die sitting on the toilet. My husband ran to get his mother who was in the next room. She came in there and we were all scared. They helped me get up and by this time both dogs were hiding in their kennels. They were waiting to be shut in which isn’t normal. We got into the car to drive to the hospital which was a good ways away. The whole way I was crying and screaming because of the pain. My husband was freaking out and my mother in law thought I was going to die in her car. When we arrived at the hospital my husband ran to get a wheel car for me and a nurse followed him out like “you don’t need that sir.” When I stood up blood ran down my legs and she pushed him out of the way to get to me. I got shoved into a wheel car and taken inside to get checked in. They took me back into a room to wait until someone could see me. You’d think they would rush me back but nope they had me wait. I was screaming in pain and crying. I was begging my husband not to leave him. Not to divorce me. I didn’t want him to leave because I knew what was happening in my mind was my fault. He went out to get me some help and he almost got arrested. My mother in law came back to sit with me. I wasn’t happy because I thought James had left me. Things get a tad fuzzy from now on. I remember getting morphine and almost dieing. I remember I would get really still and then gasp for breath. My mother in law said I would sit up and talk to something in the corner. I believe it was an angel coming to get our baby and comforting me. I remember standing up and having to go to the rest room. A nurse helped me and when I pulled down my pants the sack fell out. It was the most horrible, heart stopping and the most saddening moment of my entire life. There was my little baby’s home and now he was no longer inside of me. I would never get to hold him or give him kisses. I cried and cried. I kept thinking that it was all my fault. Then I remember my husband coming back some time in this fuzzy memory and me getting moved to a room. Nurses had to come in to give me pills in my bottom to stop me from contracting. I wouldn’t stop and I was losing so much blood. They had blood already waiting just in case I needed some. I remember my husband having to change my pad for me and walk me to the bathroom. I am truly blessed that he stood by me and loved me enough to do those things for me. They gave me pain medicine which I didn’t like. They tried giving it to me again but I told my husband that I DID NOT WANT ANYMORE!!! He stood up to them for me and I didn’t have to take anything else. I remember going to sleep and seeing this light on one side of me and a tunnel on the other. I saw two dark figures that kept telling me I needed to go with them but they scared me. I looked at the other side and I heard a baby’s giggle. I ran to that side to see our little boy running around playing. He had blonde curls and green eyes. He looked just like my husband but with a few looks from me. He told me that it wasn’t my time. That I had to go back to be with daddy because he needed me. That he had God now but daddy wanted me. Then I heard my husband saying “Stephanie please don’t leave me.” I remember waking up and turning to see him praying. I said “James I’m here.” I got to go home the next day because everything had passed. I stayed living down stairs until my mother in law cleaned our bathroom. Her german shepard stayed by my side the entire time along with my dog. My husband never left my side either. He was my rock. I never stopped thinking that he was going to leave me any minute. I thought for sure that our marriage was over but it wasn’t. It made us come closer together. That story is really hard for me to tell and if my husband wants to he can add anything he wants in the comments. But anyways. Things got better and we moved to Montana. I’m going to skip a lot to get to my point. I am currently 33weeks pregnant and we are having a son. His name will be James Robert Jr aka Junior. If we wouldn’t have lost Richard then we wouldn’t be having this baby. Yes we named him Richard Lee. Junior is a blessing from the Lord God Almighty. Richard I believe wasn’t meant to be here and had to be taken to heaven. Junior needed to be here because he has a purpose. Things with me and James wouldn’t have gotten so much better. I think we would have probably ended up going down a bad road. We got stronger and so did out faiths. My point is don’t give up hope if you miscarry. Yes it’s a horrible thing to go through but that baby is in heaven. He’s worshiping our Lord. Everything does happen for a reason even though it’s hard to think about. If anyone needs to talk I’m here to listen. I can’t say I’ll know how you feel because everyone feels differently but I will listen. Please read all the way through and if your reading this then thank you so much for taking the time out of your schedule to do it.

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